Its been killing me

If you read this, fine. Whatever. My punishment for putting it on the internet right? Well, don't give your bs bout it okay? Don't tell me stupid things like 'hate is wrong' whatever. Thats just a giant load of bull. Dont tell me pointless things like 'be positive' that really shows how well you really do know me. I get angry. I'm human, shoot me! I make mistakes, but there's no denying I don't go back on them and try to make it better. I believe in all that zen stuff. I believe in karma. I believe in the Golden Rule. So yes, if you read this well. I feel like saying what's on my mind. So I may retaliate. Just saying, I have a way with words, I can get harsh. Even if I'll regret it later on and apologize, carpe diem. You have been warned.

I hate the way you make me feel small. Its as if I'm below you, where everything I do seems so shocking to you or its as if its a joke. I'm growing up. I'm going through life. Everything changes. I change. One time I may think I like pink, the next minute I'm in love with the colour blue. I'm learning. Leave me alone. That girl you knew, well she's still here it's just that I've added more to her. I'm not stupid, I love who I was. I love who I am. Despite my many faults, this is what defines me. I am not that kind of person though. That much, I do know.

I hate the way you judge me, the way you make me feel insecure. To the point that I hate being around you, I just hate it. I hate how everything I do recieves some sort of critism. But I'm a big girl. I can take it, but its at the point where its, 'Is this what a friend does?'

I hate the way where if people read this they'll assume I'm hating on someone. Are you crazy? Can you not read? Did I ever mention the words ,' I hate you.' I hate what people do. I can hate that an alcoholic drinks, but what if that's my friend? Well I can't hate them right, I still love them. Well these subconcious things we do, well its just like that. Nothing but a bad habit.

I will never hate you. I will never hate who you are. I will hate what you've done. But you're a part of my life. Never will I hate you.

I hate the way that I'm going crazy over this lack of communication and its killing me. The way its been bothering me so much, that I don't talk about it. Instead I let it kill me inside. I'm a talker, if you know me well enough you should be aware that I like to talk things out.

I hate how I'm quite impulsive. I hate how later on I know I will regret pouring out my current feelings on something so public like facebook. I hate how I do a lot without thinking about it enough. I hate how I do think before doing, but I still have this habit of being so careless. Yes I used that word, the word I utterly hate. I don't believe everyone is careless, I think theyre care free. Thinking of the world in a positive matter, thinking of living to the day. But yes, I hate my impulse. I hate my judgement. I hate a lot about myself, but we don't want anyone to start thinking I'm emo now do we?

I hate the way you make me feel as if I will never be enough for you. I hate the way you judge me and what I do. I hate the way you talk to me as if I'm stupider than you. I don't care if you don't intend to make me feel that way, but your actions. It all makes me feel like this.

I express myself in words. Thats who I am. That will never change. What I say or write is exactly how I feel. It is exactly what goes through my mind at the moment. I am what comes out of my mouth. I am a talker. I am word smart. I can't think of any other way to express myself than with words.

What's The Difference?

We, as a society live with hypocricy, as a society. We have groups advocating towards anti-bullying. Telling us that cyber bullying is wrong. But its still not helping a lot. The reason is, from my view that is. Is that media is the reason for it.

We use media to express our medium or message to our audience. But its not working. Bullying isn't declining quite quickly, though people are becoming more aware. Well it's because the media itself bullies.
Think about it. We see celebrities constantly gossiped about. We see their faults being picked at. We see their whole lives as someone reveals it to the whole world. Celebrities have parodies and art made of them that make fun of them.

Well, would we ever allow one to do that to a 'normal' person? So why do we accept it when it happens to a celebrity. Celebrities, or more so actresses or singers should not have to pay a price for their industry. If fame and hate is this price, have we forgotten what our faith tells us? The Golden Rule always taught us to treat others as we would like to be treated.